BROKEN BLADE Page 12

  No. Now wasn’t the time. Not the time at all. She was getting ready to step into an entirely different world and her road here had already been bumpy.

  “Just like that,” I agreed softly, stroking my hand down her arm. “But you got away from a man who beat you because you did something as human as fall for a nice-looking kid. You got knocked up—it’s going to be rough, but it’s not the end of the world, right?”

  Blood leaped to her cheeks and she looked down.

  I touched her chin and forced her to look back at me. “These people here won’t harm you. They won’t harm your child. They’d sooner cut off their arms than hurt a kid. I’ve seen how they are with the little ones. You, your child, you’ll be safe there. You can go from a place where you were mistreated to a place where you’ll be cared for…” Then I slid Marcus a look. “Maybe even have a chance at something more. You can make your own choices and nobody will demonize you for this. It’s not the life you’d set out to live…but it’s not a bad one, either.”

  Marcus, Clara and Conley were the first to leave.

  As they all piled into the car, I had to swallow the nerves crowding my throat.

  Damon slumped on the couch, his chin resting on his chest and for all the world, he looked like a man who had no desire to leave.

  As the sound of the engine faded, I crossed my arms over my chest and forced myself to face him. “Job’s done,” I said tightly.

  His lashes lifted. “She never paid you.”

  “It wasn’t about the money.” Hell, the fifty bucks she’d offered didn’t even cover the gas from Wolf Haven and that wasn’t the point.

  A little stunned, I turned away but before I could stare out, I caught Justin looking at me. His green eyes glinted in the dying light and I saw the knowledge there.

  He knew.

  Maybe Damon hadn’t quite made the connection there and that was understandable. He hadn’t been there when I’d first dragged my sorry ass out into the world of the living all those years ago, so he might not understand how hard this was.

  Swallowing the knot that threatened to choke me, I whispered softly, “I saw it through.”

  “You did.”

  The tension mounted in my office until we could have sliced through it with a knife. I didn’t hear the sound behind me so much as I just knew he was moving. Slowly, I turned around just in time to see Damon uncoiling and rising to his feet. His gaze all but bored into me. Like a blade, it sliced me open and laid me bare and I was helpless to stop it.

  But then, as I saw him slipping a hand into his pocket, whatever had held me frozen evaporated. “If you pull any money out of your pocket, I’m going to tell Justin to burn your ass,” I snapped.

  Something flashed in his eyes. “Can’t handle me on your own anymore, kitten?” he asked, his voice low and soft. All too intimate. It brought back memories that were better off tucked in the back of my mind.

  I couldn’t be dwelling on those parts of me right now.

  Holding his gaze levelly, I summoned up a cocky smile. It felt fake on my face, stretching my lips unnaturally. But I did it, damn it. I stared at him with a smile and I kept that awful, hideous smile on my face as I replied, “Oh, it’s got nothing to do with handling you, honey. It has to do with the fact it’s always fun to watch a cat dancing around trying to avoid getting his feet singed.”

  As far as quips went, it was a damned miserable one and I knew it.

  Damon knew it, too, but he didn’t say anything.

  Instead, he just looked at me for another minute and then a faint smile curled his lips. He crossed the floor and stopped, just inches away. I held my breath as he dipped his head.

  Against my ear, he murmured, “I’ll be waiting.”

  He didn’t say or do anything else, just headed for the door.

  I didn’t breathe as it shut behind him.

  Didn’t let myself breathe until I thought my lungs might explode.

  One minute ticked by.

  Then another.

  I hiccupped a little.

  Justin touched my shoulder. I swung at his hand and stumbled away. But when I fell against my desk, blinded by the tears, he wasn’t so easily deterred.

  As the storm hit me, I ended up pressed against his chest and all but starving for oxygen.

  Justin had been the one to help me put the pieces of me together all those years ago.

  Maybe it was fitting that he was there when I fell apart again.

  Part Two

  ReMade

  Chapter Eleven

  Now what?

  I stood in the driveway of my home, staring at the door.

  Why was every damn thing a battle?

  Justin had offered to come home with me. I’d told him no. I knew better. If I let myself lean on him too much, take comfort in him too much, I’d end up using him.

  And then I’d keep on using him.

  It was even an appealing thought, I had to be honest. Just standing there, I found myself thinking about calling him.

  I couldn’t deny that I was absolutely terrified of being alone. Justin knew how to get past all the barriers I had inside me, including the terror that now gripped me in a cold, sweaty fist.

  I could call him; he’d come. I wouldn’t have to be alone. He’d stay the night. On the couch if I asked him to. In my bed, if I wanted.

  Comfort sex might even make me feel a little better, once I got past the sweaty panic. Comfort sex had gotten me through some rough things before— comfort sex had been the only thing that had made me appreciate sex, really. Justin had been my lover and healer, all in one, for the first few months. It wasn’t until later that we moved past that into just lover territory.

  But I wasn’t going to do it.

  I’ll wait…

  Damn him to hell, but I still loved Damon. Even though thinking about him was an ache in my heart, I still loved him and that’s all there was to it. Another reason why comfort sex with anybody was a big, fat out.

  Morosely, I stared at the front door. Why in the hell was it so hard to think about walking into my home?

  Because I was alone.

  Because night was coming.

  Because the first step of any journey was always the hardest, blah-blah-blah and I wasn’t just taking one fricking journey, I was taking a hundred of them, and this was the next one.

  I had to do it. I had to walk into that place by myself. I had to disengage the wards and reset them the second I was inside. That was the hardest part, I told myself. Once I was inside, once I was behind the wards, I’d be safe. Yeah, the wards could be broken, but it would take a lot of power and time and that time would let me get to the weapons I’d stashed in various places. I hadn’t taken everything with me when I’d packed up. I couldn’t…there was a small cache of weapons that was safer here than anywhere else, protected by the strongest, most expensive spells I’d been able to purchase from Green Road.

  I could feel their power, subtle…so subtle. Wrapping protectively around those dark, dangerous weapons. Yeah, I had enough firepower in there to take down almost anything that might come gunning for me.

  Maybe if I’d had one of those weapons with me…

  Bile churned its way up my throat.

  No maybes. No ifs. It’s already done, Kit.

  Something rolled across my skin, hot, prickling power—

  A gasp lodged in my throat and although I did not run inside the house, I damn sure moved fast.

  Drawing the Desert Eagle, I kept it in my hand, along my thigh where it wasn’t going to be easily seen as I crossed the sidewalk. The sun was still a brilliant glow in the sky and I didn’t see anybody, but I damn sure felt him.

  Who was it?

  Didn’t matter. Unfamiliar magic…on my property.

  That meant one thing. Not welcome.

  I reached the door and slammed my hand against it, letting the ward take me in. By the time I’d managed to disengage all of them, I was shaking. Once I was inside, I was sweatin
g so hard, I’d soaked through my shirt and my breaths came in ragged stops and starts.

  But I was inside.

  Inside—

  The wards—had to engage them. Once I did that, I’d be safe. I was almost hysterical by the time I managed to do just that and then, boneless, I slid to the floor, clutching the Desert Eagle and trying to keep from hyperventilating. Passing out. Bad. Very. Very. Bad.

  I breathed in through my nose. Held it. Blew it out, then did again, forcing the chaos in my head to settle.

  When I sucked in another breath, an odd scent teased my senses. Warning sounded in my head and just as slowly, I blew the breath out, took another one.

  Evergreen.

  For some reason, my house smelled of evergreen…pine. Not that chemical pine scent, either.

  But real, honest to God pine trees.

  I took another breath and pretended to relax, letting my head fall back against the door so I could look around better. The lights were out, but that didn’t matter. My night sight was keen and I could see the darkened room just fine.

  And something wasn’t right. A shape in the corner—

  I focused, reached out.

  There wasn’t a soul alive inside the house. But there had been people in there recently. I could scent something familiar. Staring at that odd shape that didn’t belong in my house, I pieced this strange puzzle together.

  My heart started to race and I surged to my feet, hitting the panel for the lights. There was no way I was seeing things right.

  Immediately, my breath caught, once more.

  Over in the corner, dominating almost a third of my small living room, was a Christmas tree. The lights had come on the second I’d hit the light panel and now I could see the soft white glow flickering all around the tree.

  On top of the tree was a star—it wasn’t the typical star, though. A laugh that was almost hysterical bubbled out of me as I realized what it was. It had the gleam of pure silver and the eight-tipped throwing star should have looked utterly ridiculous, but I didn’t think I’d ever seen anything more beautiful.

  A Christmas tree.

  It was the end of January.

  But there was a Christmas tree in my house.

  I took a step closer, eying the ornaments. Some of them were typical ornaments, but others weren’t. More throwing stars. A set of throwing knives. Something coiled around one of the branches caught my eye. A silver garrote. Exactly like the ones I had woven into my collar and belt.

  I covered my face with my hands as another laugh ripped out of me. It turned into a sob.

  “Don’t go getting all carried away. We wouldn’t know normal if it bit us. But it might be nice to have something…well, nice.”

  “Yeah.” Sleep was actually closer than I thought, I realized, but I forced my eyes opened, stared outside. “Nice… what’s nice and normal.”

  “Christmas…you ever do Christmas, Kit?” His hand stroked my nape.

  I snorted. “Hell, no. The aunts and Grandmother celebrated the solstice and I’d helped in the house, but I don’t think that’s the same as doing Christmas.” I rolled my head to peer up at him through my lashes. “What about you?”

  “Yeah.” He stroked a finger along my cheek. “Me and the kid always did it, just me and him. Will be different this year, but…” His hand slid into my hair and tangled. “You’re going to do Christmas this year. With me.”

  I lifted up a little to look at him. “I am, huh?”

  “Yeah.” He lifted up onto one elbow and pressed his mouth to mine. “Nice, normal…it doesn’t get much more nice and normal than that.”

  “Christmas, huh?” I lay my head back on his chest, smiling a little. “We going to get a tree?”

  “Damn straight a tree. I’ll buy you presents. You can buy something, too. I think something red and slinky, like all those lingerie things you look at and never buy.”

  The memories cut off abruptly as somebody knocked. “Kit. It’s me.”

  Colleen…

  I glanced over at the Christmas tree and then turned toward the door. I’d think about the tree, Damon, all of that in a few minutes. That son of a bitch.

  I’d told him I needed time.

  * * * *

  “He put it up the week after we brought you back.”

  I stared at her over a cup of tea. I didn’t want to talk about the tree. Or Damon. Or anything.

  But…

  I shot the tree a dark look. “Christmas was more than a month ago…I’ve been back longer than that. There’s no way that tree has been sitting there that long.” It was a real tree, too.

  “It’s a living tree. It will need to be transplanted soon, but…” Colleen shrugged. “He’s here every week to water it. That’s what he says, anyway. I could water the damn thing. But when I show up here on Fridays to charge your wards, he’s sitting outside waiting.”

  She ran a finger around the outside of the mug of tea. “Should I have maybe sent him away?”

  I shoved back from the table and rose. Edgy, restless energy filled me and there was just no way to purge it. I turned and stared at the tree. That delightful and deadly tree, decorated with ornaments and weapons.

  I doubted many women would feel their heart flip over in their chests, but I certainly had. Even now, staring at it for probably the tenth time, I still felt a weird little catch. “I don’t know how to answer that, Colleen.”

  Then I looked over at her. “What does it matter to you, anyway? You don’t much like him. You never really did.”

  She’d never said as much. But I knew my friend.

  Colleen made a face at me. “Like him?” She shrugged. “It’s not a question of whether or not I like him. He’s not exactly the guy I would have pictured you with. That would have been Justin.”

  “I don’t love Justin,” I said, crossing my arms over my chest and looking back at the tree.

  “Why do you love him?”

  The words slashed at me. Why…not do you, but why.

  She didn’t even have to ask. But then again, Colleen wouldn’t need to. With her empathy, she’d probably known before I had. “I’m not sure if I can explain that or not,” I said, my voice wooden. “And I don’t even know if it matters. Not now. If I can’t put myself together, it won’t matter. I can’t be with him when I’m like…this.”

  “You’ll get there, Kit,” Colleen said, her voice gentle. “You’re not giving yourself enough time. And you still haven’t answered me.”

  Turning, I faced her. “What does it matter?”

  “I’m just trying to understand.” She shrugged and plucked at a loose thread on her shirt.

  “I don’t want to talk about this.” How could I talk about it when I didn’t understand it myself?

  I grabbed the mug of tea off the table and headed down the hall. But as I passed by the living room, I caught sight of something I hadn’t seen before. The tree had been partially hidden behind the couch and now I saw all of it…including all the gaily wrapped boxes on the floor.

  Presents. More than I could count. And that ache lingering deep in my chest rose higher, threatening to rip out of me.

  “He bought me presents,” I said and my voice sounded ragged even to my own ears. Passing a hand down my face, I turned and looked at her. “I’m twenty-five years old and nobody’s ever bought me a damn Christmas present.”

  Colleen shifted her attention past my shoulder, staring at the tree. “Actually…you’re twenty-six.”

  I started, and then laughed sourly. Yeah. I was twenty-six. My birthday had come and gone and I hadn’t even noticed. “Twenty-six, and not a single Christmas present.” I didn’t exactly celebrate it, but then again, I’d never had too many people give me gifts, period. Colleen had sometimes given me things on my birthday, and Justin had done the same when we were together, but beyond that?

  Colleen didn’t celebrate Christmas. My relationship with Justin had been one of the crazy, sporadic things and we’d always been on our off s
tages when the holidays rolled around. My family…nothing from them.

  Gazing at all the gifts under the tree, I rubbed my hand over my chest and wished I could make the ache there go away. “Why did he have to do this?”

  “Because he loves you,” Colleen said, her voice matter of fact.

  I looked over at her, barely seeing her through the tears. I tried to fight them, but it was getting harder and harder to hold them back.

  Colleen reached up and touched my cheek. “And you know, I’d really like to tell you a different answer, Kit,” she murmured, shaking her head. “I wish I could tell you there was nothing but guilt motivating him. That he just felt responsible and thought maybe this was a way to make it all better. Maybe that would piss you off and you could kick him to the curb. I’d love to say he’s doing it for any other reason than the truth, but that son-of-a-bitch does love you…and you love him.”

  I turned away from her and pressed the heels of my hands against my eyes, waiting until that burning sting passed. I sucked in one breath after another and waited until I thought I could speak without my voice giving me away.

  “Kit—”

  “Stop,” I said. I swallowed and shook my head. “Just…just give me a minute, okay?”

  She wasn’t helping. I wanted things to be easier. Not harder.

  I couldn’t even count all the presents under the tree. Technically, all those weapons glinting off the pine boughs were gifts, too. Sidestepping around the wrapped packages, I made my way over to the tree and touched one of the stars hanging from a seemingly delicate thread of silver. I watched as it spun in the light and then pulled it down. The balance of it, the weight of it in my hand was perfect. I touched the tip of it with my finger lightly and then looked over at Colleen.

  “I don’t understand it either, you know. It’s just…when I look at him, something inside me feels whole. And before….well, you know…I even felt peace. It wasn’t really that I felt safe with him—I do feel safe, and I like that. It should be okay to enjoy that. Although…hell. I don’t need to be safe. He made me happy, just being next to him, and he made me whole. It was like I had something empty inside me and didn’t even realize it until I met him…he filled that part of me.”